coming of age

experimenting w/ high iso to make my images look like they were taken on film. i'm so sorry.

//one of my very favorite feelings is that of feeling like i'm in a movie. when everything is aesthetically perfect, and i can hear my own imaginary indie soundtrack playing in the background and, just like that, i'm no longer me. the only way that i will ever believe that being is in the present is the way to be is when i believe that there's some director of the cosmos that has decided that this moment of mine is important and deep and should be shared. for years, i thought that this feeling was something that only i felt, until i heard "this house is a circus," a really deep work of art by the arctic monkeys that starts with such poetic lyricism as "this house is a circus, beserk as fuck." yup. near the end though, there's a line that goes "aimlessly gazing at the faces in the queue, and we're struggling with the notion that it's life, not film" which is possibly my favorite lyric of all time. it's the essence of being a self-centered, pretentious, but human teenager, isn't it? not really doing anything, but being unable to shake the feeling that the moment means something cosmically.

//i get so excited about mapping out aesthetics for imaginary movies that i'll never make, particularly the sort of movies that can only be described as my own weird sort of wish-fullfilment literature (i.e. Meet Lemon, an angsty manic pixie who is searching for love and meaning in this stark, restricted color palette world. They lead a very challenging life with much adversity, and will make you feel sorry for them, despite the fact that their parents, love life, and motivation/productivity is infinitely better in this film than in the true story that it's "based" off of. Soundtrack by The Smiths, the Strokes and Alex Turner, the last of which also plays the love interest.) so, naturally, my spotify is full of playlists with titles like "(enter blank imaginary movie) soundtrack". here's one that i made a while back that i feel really summerizes the feeling of trying to convince yourself that you're the subject of a film, uploaded to 8tracks for your listening pleasure:

it's life, not film from youareuniverses on 8tracks Radio.